Music Education

When I was growing up, I had everything a nice middle class kid should: a few years of softball, one of basketball, three or four of soccer, ballet as a preschooler, summer camps in middle school, and music lessons. It was the music lessons I really liked, so I got to have them. Three years in a choir then 10 or so of private lessons in voice and 3 in piano. None of this includes college. In Highschool, I didn't have a lot of friends at times, but I always had that musical outlet. I would practice for hours a day in highschool and everyone was proud when I had my little recitals and such.

What do I carry of this education with me today? Well, I have gained a keen appriciation of music. I love the sound of the human voice and of beautiful melodies, but I was never taught to read music, so I cannot recreate music for others unless I learn with a teacher, by rote. I understand music theory and can tell you all kinds of things about how many flats and sharps there are in cord or the names of parts in italian, but I cannot create music of my own. I learned to imitate the music of masters and to do with my voice exactly what is asked by others, but along with 10 years of striving for perfection, I have lost faith in the beauty of my own voice as it is, without weeks of prep work on a piece.

In short, I have all the ability of a classically trained musician, but there was never a component of service in this education so I cannot write my own music or learn new songs without help or accompany myself or do any of the things that would make music alive for me now. So when the love of beauty my soul has developed arises in me, I have no outlet. I can sing songs I know or learn with a CD, but I have no ability to express myself, only to express the work of others. It's frustrating and stifling.

I see other youth go through this. Ballet dancers that cannot free themselves enough to try the electric slide, or who are unable to learn Salsa or Swing. And other singers, who know nothing but how to regurgitate the art of others.

I am just realizing this about myself and I think soon I will be ready to start unlearning some of the things I have been taught. I think I will find someone soon, a friend perhaps, who will teach me to play the guitar some and I will try to start again and practice the care free attitude we all should have about art and just learn to create. It's time for a re-learning, and this time, I will develop what I can share with others and what will allow me to help create the beauty in the world.